DR. Hollman's Book Unlocking Parental Intelligence is out! Buy it Here! We are incredibly fortunate to have her as a local resource. Many parents reached out with parenting questions they are facing and Dr. Hollman is addressing them in this article. Please feel free to leave any questions you might have at the end of this article! Dr. Hollman will continue to address and give real world advice based on her 5 steps to Intelligently Parent your children.
Ask Dr. Hollman – Parenting Expert
Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. has a new book, Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in
Your Child’s Behavior, found on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Familius and wherever books are
With the main ideas of Parental Intelligence in mind, Dr. Hollman answers your questions.
Q My son will not go to sleep without lights on how am I going to transition out of this?
A There's no reason not to keep a night light on as a transition and even a permanent solution. If he falls asleep with lights on it's not a bad idea in itself but it is important to understand his fears and worries.Before changing the routine, get to know what's on his mind in an accepting, nonjudgmental way. Listen carefully to him without interrupting, then clarify what might be unreal fantasies about what will happen in the dark. Also make sure he know how to get you during the night if fears crop up. Tell me more about this if you want to I understand the problem better and your child's age.
Q. My 12-year-old and I seem to butt heads about everything. I try to empathize to see what's going on but she seems to have shut me out.
A You seem to be suggesting that she was more open with you before. Ask yourself what changes might be going on in her body, her mind, and her life that she may need to be more to herself about. Don't chase after her, but just let her know if she wants, any time to talk, you're open and accepting of whatever is on her mind. You promise not to judge or criticize or tell her what to do. Then wait. During the waiting, you might hang out in non-threatening ways like going for a casual lunch or bike ride where there are no demands to talk about anything in particular. Drive her to school rather than the bus, just to have time together. It's important there's no pressure on each of you during this time Just become a good observer of how she's doing.
Q. My 15-year-old wants me to leave her alone with her friends at the mall. I don't feel comfortable doing this but other parents do. What do you suggest I do to make her feel like I'm on her side and not against her?
A Before you stay firm in your decision, open up the discussion with your daughter so she knows you really accept her feelings. Don't interrupt her explanations and see what security measures she would take to be well in charge of herself and not prone to peer pressures. Get to know her friends so you know their values and what to expect of them. Open your mind to her thoughts and let her know your worries. Together you may come up with a natural plan over time if you are open and honest with each other.
Q My husband and I have different ideas about how to raise children. How can I get to a point of not fighting with me on my ideas.
A I wasn't clear on when the differences come out. So you may want to write again. But if you don't mind, I'd like to suggest you both read my new book, Unlocking Parental Intelligence. It will give you a good starting point to start discussing your values and intentions in your child rearing. I may offer in the book a point of view neither of you have thought about and thus you can share your ideas more openly with each other and come to some new shared ideas.Let me know.
