As school starts up again and parents’ schedules get complicated mothers and fathers put on a
cheerful face as they get their kids ready for the new year. There’s lots of shopping and hair cuts,
new back packs, colorful notebooks, and even visiting the school to prepare your child. But is the
good cheer a façade or a face of confidence? How do you actually feel as a parent during this
transition from summer to school?
Mothers’ Worries
For many parents this is a time of self-doubt. They worry if they will be available enough for
their child as they enter a new grade with all its demands. As mothers balance home and work or
home and a multiplicity of other activities, they doubt if they are doing it all well enough to help
their child become or feel successful. They worry if they can boost their child’s shortcomings.
They worry if they can help their child socialize happily.
Some mothers also worry if they want to keep up this kind of energy once again. They know
they are in for an exhausting ride and their kids depend on them. It’s hard to be the center of your
child’s world where a lot of responsibility hangs on you. Children watch their mothers very
closely. If mothers enjoy mothering, their children feel positive about themselves. Some mothers
doubt themselves and feel they fall short of what a “good” mother should be.
How to Calm Self-Doubt
It’s important for mothers to take the advice of a nineteen fifties pediatrician, Donald Winnicott,
MD, who talked about mothers being “good enough.” This means not being perfect, but caring
and responsible without overloading yourself with expectations that can’t be met. Children carry
part of the load of their success and rewards in life. They are separate little beings with minds of
their own. When mothers are “good enough” children feel secure but not hovered over. Children
exercise their autonomy and feel their mother’s approval.
How to Feel Pride in Your Mothering
How do you live up to your own, not others, standards as a mother?
There are some basics. If you value healthy food, encouraging learning, spending one on one
time, engaging in serious and funny conversation so you are always getting to know your child,
you can take pride in your parenting. Those are fundamental mothering values, but you probably
have a set of values of your own. If you work toward them, not achieve them perfectly, you can
feel the pride in your mothering and give yourself a pat on the back every day for your efforts
without overwhelming yourself with exhaustion and competition with the mother next door.
